bank tellers

Every time I go to my drive through ATM, I don’t understand why there are so many cars in the teller lanes. What’s more, there’s usually a line for those stations while I can just pull up to the ATM. Probably in excess of 99% of the time, I can take care of my banking needs online or at the ATM. Deposits, withdrawals, transfers. So what are these other people doing? I have nothing against bank tellers, honestly; I’m a fan of just punching a few buttons on a screen (or keyboard) instead of waiting for that pneumatic tube system to suck pieces of paper back and forth.

So I have several guesses why they’re not at the ATM:
(1) they haven’t figured out that you can do all these things online or at the machine ten feet away,
(2) they don’t like being quick and efficient– er, I mean, they don’t like computers,
(3) they’re desperately lonely and crave some kind of human interaction,
(4) there’s some secret process I’m not aware of whereby going to teller lanes increases the amount of money in my account,
(5) they want a Dum Dum.
Having two close friends who worked as tellers for years and told me nightmarish stories that make me lose my faith in human decency and common sense, I’m hesitant to go with #3. But I can get behind #5. My friend Emily says she would always see little kids in the cars with noses pressed to the glass, looking at her with eagerly pleading eyes, holding up two fingers. “Please send two Dum Dums in the tube, teller lady?”
Entertaining side bar: Emily told me she would conduct psychology experiments on patrons using Dum Dums. (BTW, I’m TOTALLY in favor of conducting harmless psychology experiments on unaware people.) She found that walk up customers would only take the ones with colored wrappers – e.g., strawberry, lemon, pineapple. If the wrapper had brown printing on it – e.g., root beer, cream soda – they wouldn’t take them. So she went through the Dum Dum supply and filled her station basket with only brown-wrapped ones to see if patrons would take them if they had no other choice. Nope. They flipped through the Dum Dum selection with disappointment on their faces, and then walked to the basket at another teller’s station to grab a cherry or watermelon. What to do with all of these unwanted Dum Dums? Send them through the pneumatic tubes to impolite, mean, and rude drive-through customers. Cute, begging, window children, though, she’d send them the cherries.
Now I want a Dum Dum.
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One Response to bank tellers

  1. Cheryl says:

    I'd like a lemon, please!

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