Secretary Tales, Issue #14 — bacon and doughnuts

Me via email: “Hey guys, we have that 8:00 meeting coming up on employee empowerment.  There’s little money in the budget for catering, what should we get?  I know you all are going to say ‘BACON!’ but there’s still some vegetarians in the building, too.”

V: “Bacon… and carrots.”

Boss: “Bacon… and beets.”

L: “Bacon, bagels, and fruit.”  <– a bit more helpful

D: “Em-Power-Ade.”

Me: “D wins.  You all fail.”

L (who is new to the dept): “Clearly I need to work on developing my sense of humor.  Maybe eating more bacon will help.”

V: “It will come with time, bacon or not.”

Boss: “But bacon will hasten the process!”

* * * * *

Boss: “A reminder there’s that two-hour presentation this afternoon, and all of you are invited to attend if you wish.”

L: “I have a meeting.”

T: “I’m presenting at her meeting.”

D: “I’m supposed to attend that meeting, too.”

V: “I need to work on the budget.”

Me: “I have work to do… and I just don’t want to.”  Everyone laughs.

L: “Besides, I mean, you haven’t told us anything about if there will be snacks.  Food increases our likelihood of attendance.  Like bacon.”

D: “Yeah, or doughnuts.”

V: “You know, every time I eat a doughnut I’m disappointed.  I’m like ‘that wasn’t as good as I was expecting it to be’.”

Me: “I completely and totally disagree with that statement.”

L: “Me too.”

V: “Okay, fine, maybe if it was a high quality doughnut.”

Me: “No, not even then.  I think everything except three-day-old stale doughnuts.  Doughnuts are amazing.”

L: “Yeah, I guess we just have lower standards than you.  And we’re okay with that.”

(An hour later, L sets a box on my desk containing a doughnut.  She’s my new doughnut soul sister.)

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