Saturdays with the Spirit: Work Sucks

This week a friend approached me with a question, “Why does work suck?”

I think it has to do with the fact that we were initially created to sit around naked in a garden rather than indoors at desks under fluorescent lights.  And as a result of sin, “the ground is cursed because of you.  All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.  By the sweat of your brow will you have food to eat until you return to the ground from which you were made.”  (Genesis 3)

Thankfully God gave each of us skills and abilities such that hopefully we are doing something we are good at and thus enjoy.

And then I started thinking about some of the things I am good at, or the things that I was known in high school and elementary school for being good at.  Science, art, math, notsomuch English…  When I went to college, studying architecture seemed like a great way to pull all of these together under one umbrella.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wanted to be a secretary.  A secretary?  Really?  You sometimes don’t even need a college degree for that, and I graduated with top grades.  I can remember being told in high school that I had been given these abilities for a reason and I’d better not waste them.  Instead I have found that I have abilities in customer service, logistics, and detail projects – which are different than skills in science and drawing but still important to make the world function.

Back to that work-sucking discussion, I said to my friend that I think we aren’t supposed to get great fulfillment out of work.  If we do, that’s an awesome bonus.  But I believe the main reason we’re still on this planet after accepting Christ instead of whoosh! up to heaven is because of the other people that are still here  that still need to know God loves them.

If that’s the case, should THAT be the focus of our jobs – the people we encounter and the natural relationships that occur – rather than creating an end product?

Combine that with the skills and abilities and talents and blessings that God has given us and it made me wonder if sometimes He gives those to us not to drive us into a certain vocation but into a certain workplace with certain people.

I enjoy my job (most days) but definitely don’t get fulfillment from it.  Eh, it’s just scheduling another meeting, completing another requisition, balancing another spreadsheet.  But I have no doubt in my mind that God wants me at this job right now because of the PEOPLE I encounter.

One of those is my boss.  My heart breaks for him.  He loves to tell dumb jokes and his laugh can carry all the way down the hall, but he is so stressed, and gets depressed, and is angry sometimes.  I’m pretty sure some of the people around work give him a wide berth because of these mood swings.  I’m used to them and they roll off me like water on a duck.  I see pain in his eyes and his life, and as cheesy as this sounds I just want him to know Jesus.  I know that Jesus never says following him makes things better – in fact he says that it’ll get worse – but the peace and joy that I have from Jesus outweigh all of the other things in my life (most days; I’d be lying if I said I never got mad at God).  I pray for him so much.

I absolutely believe that God gave some people certain abilities in order for them to do things like cure diseases and invent new sanitation methods – which are the types of things that our culture would use to point to people and call them “successful” and are quite important.  But maybe many of us have been blessed in order to direct us to a particular workplace or environment or hobby or community or yoga class or something where God can use us to share his love and grow his kingdom.

My friend didn’t like this theory of mine.  He said it was too much like God micromanaging. For me, still pondering.  :)

Saturdays with the Spirit: Expectations and Disappointment

There used to be this annual competition held at the reservoir called Kinetics.  Participants had to build a contraption to race over land and water.  The point wasn’t necessarily to go the fastest, but to be the most creative or look the most ridiculous.

Having lived in Boulder for several years, I was always curious about it and wanted to see. I convinced two or three friends to go check it out with me.  We waited in line, handed over our tickets, and went down to the water’s edge.

I was disappointed in what I saw.  Very few creations, some that were only rubber rafts that folks picked up and carried over the land parts of the course.  And few onlookers paying attention to the race anyway.  Rather, hundreds of people trying to act like it was an MTV beach party, and many far too liquored up for that to be attractive.  I don’t care if people want to drink, but I do care about unsafe drinking and the behavior that goes with it.  Let’s just say the event didn’t appear to be that family friendly.

My friends and I looked at each other, and I wanted to apologize for asking them to come to this with me.  Trying to make the most of it, we wandered over away from the crowds and dipped our feet in the water.  I caught a toad, which made me feel a little better.

Nearly every Thursday evening hundreds of people gather in a mob to ride randomly around town, dressed in silly costumes, bikes covered in lights, radios strapped to the handlebars blasting tunes.  They wave at pedestrians and call out “Happy Thursday”.  Many weeks they ride right by my front door as I live by a bike path.

A few weeks ago, I suddenly remembered it was Thursday and decided to try to find the group to see if I could join the ride.  I found the park where they start and sat on my bike at the fringes as the mass gathered.  And I waited for them to start.  And I waited some more.

I was again disappointed.  As I waited for half an hour after the unofficial “start” time, I saw most folks chug some beers.  Saw a number of others smoke a joint.  Really?  It wasn’t fun enough to ride around in the dark with costumes and lights laughing and waving at pedestrians?  Folks felt they needed to do it inebriated?  I wondered how many knew that biking after drinking can carry similar penalties as driving after drinking.

I sighed, waited, and finally they took off and I joined the pack.  We rode through town waving and having fun.  For twenty minutes.  Then they pulled over in a park to drink some more beer before continuing the two-hour-long ride.  Exasperated, I headed home.

This is not a post to rag on Boulder.  Everyone who knows me knows I love Boulder.  And I’ve found loads of fun stuff to do in Boulder that I’ve enjoyed.  These are just two bummer experiences I’ve had while living here. 

Both times I went expecting one thing, and left sad and disappointed. 

But as I reflected on both of them I thought about how often I expect things in this world to provide me with joy.  And don’t get me wrong, often they do!  God has created may incredible things in this world for us to enjoy. 

But this world is also fallen, and sinful, and not my home.  Trying to find fulfillment and complete joy in the things of this world is like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with silly putty.  My heart was created for bigger things.  Greater things.  I was created to be fulfilled by my amazing Creator.

Why I Decided to Stop Taking Pictures

Like many other Americans, I own a digital camera.  Well, until about four months ago when I accidentally spilled water on it, and it started taking pictures that made my home look haunted:

RIP, camera.  We had a good three years together.  But that’s beside the point of this post.  And while my camera wasn’t attached to my hand, I did use it often.  Particularly for events like parties or going on a hike.

Last summer I woke up super early and took a hike up a mountain to watch the sun rise from 12,000 feet.  It was gorgeous.

I had forgotten how FAST the sun comes up.  In thirty seconds or so it went from pink sky to entire glowing ball of light being fully visible hanging above the mountain.  So I sat there with my camera, clicking every five seconds, capturing it in megapixels.

Before I knew it, the sun was up, and I had experienced almost the whole thing through a lens.  I wasn’t taking pictures for a magazine here.  And I can’t even remember the last time I printed a digital picture to a hard copy.  I rarely even look at the pictures I take afterwards unless I want to blog with them or create the occasional Facebook album.

So why was I determined to get these shots?

I turned aroud and looked at the beautiful alpen glow on the cliff face behind me.  I hadn’t even bothered to watch that.  Instead of enjoying the experience and the atmosphere, I had been absorbed with getting the perfect setup and angle for my sunrise pictures.

Admittedly, I did get a few awesome shots of the cliffs reflected in the glass-smooth surface of the lake…

I have this strange hobby: I like taking pictures of people taking pictures.  I took this picture below during a wildfire 18 months ago.  I had gone up on a hill to do the same as this guy: take pictures of the fire – though with a much less souped-up camera.

It’s funny to me to see what people take pictures of.  And how much we have come to experience our world through a camera lens.

(This photo is NOT from when I saw Obama a few weeks ago, but I could have taken almost the same picture of the crowd – had I had a camera.  I kept turning to my coworkers on both sides saying, “Wow, look at all the camera screens!”)

Realizing how I had in a way “missed” the sunrise by focusing on my camera, I decided to try putting my camera away for a while.  It may not be a choice for everyone, but it was been an eye-opening experience for me.

I saw many amazing sunrises, ones definitely worthy of a photograph.  But instead it was just me and God experiencing them.  Saw crazy people on Pearl Street (like always), and just stood and watched them because I couldn’t capture them on film, trying to mentally capture their silliness to tell friends about later.  I went on some hikes and left my camera at home – I knew my friends would probably bring theirs to document the experience anyway.  :)

I’ve enjoyed living the camera-free life.  And I think I’m going to continue it.

* * * * *

With less than 80 days left until the epic trip, though, I knew I *would* want a camera to document my solo travels.  I looked for a used one of a similar model on Amazon and found one in decent condition listed as pewter grey; but it must have been listed in the wrong location.  Internet, meet my new camera, which may have previously been owned by a middle school girl:

This photo does not do justice to my shocking-pink Barbie camera.  It takes great pictures, but it does make me laugh.  :)

Monday Memories: Anesthesia

When I was six, I broke my arm.  I fancied myself some kind of gymnast or circus performer and was walking along the back and arm of our family room sofa.  It was a great height and width to be a balance beam.  Except I lost my balance, and fall on a child-sized rocking chair.

I was wearing a Minnie Mouse nightgown which I loved because she was holding a big rose.  Later at the hospital, they cut me out of it along the side seam so that it could be re-sewn back together – which it later was.

I had to have surgery to put pins in the bones.  I was screaming my head off because I was scared.  I had a basic idea of what they were going to do and was told that it wouldn’t hurt, but I still didn’t like the idea of it.  A person held the mask to my face as I lay in the operating room still crying.  I could hear the sound of the rushing gas and see several masked faces looking down at me among the bright lights.

(You know, that’s probably the scariest part for little kids in the hospital: the masks.  You can’t see faces.  You don’t know who these people are.  You don’t know if they’re smiling or sneering.  All you can see is eyes, and it removes the human element.)

I was bound and determined not to fall asleep and give them the satisfaction.  After a few minutes though, I thought, “There’s no way they’ll let me stay awake.  They’ll just keep pumping that gas, and I can’t keep crying forever.  The sooner I give up, the sooner it will be over.”  So I chose to stop crying, and closed my eyes.

Several weeks later, I had to go get the pins removed.  I think they didn’t use enough local anesthetic, because I remember extreme pain and calling out over and over, “I want to go to sleep again.”

Thoughts on Marijuana, and 420 at CU

Grab a cup of coffee, folks. Pull up a chair and let’s have a little chat about cannabis. Or marijuana. Or weed. Dope. Grass. Whatever you want to call it. I’m going to refer to it as marijuana because that’s the term that we use at work.

Yes, at work. Because part of my job duties include working with alcohol and other drug issues. My boss is the most educated person I know on the subjects of alcohol and marijuana. In the last year, he has had me gather over 100 (no exaggeration) scholarly articles published on marijuana research – pros and cons. And then I see him sitting in his office between meetings pouring over each page with a highlighter, and he loves to call out to my office interesting things he learns.

All of this to say that I know more about marijuana and the issues around it than I ever set out to know, and I have some thoughts and opinions on it.  Here they are in no particular order and with no particular organization and with very little proof-reading before hitting “Publish”.

Marijuana is safer than alcohol.  True!  There are more crimes, assaults, injuries, and property destruction that occur as a result of consuming alcohol than consuming marijuana. 

(EDITED TO ADD THIS:)  But to those that say marijuana should be legal because alcohol is legal, that’s like saying we should let kids play with knives because they’re already in a room full of bombs. 

Marijuana is harmless or, as I saw in a video interview of someone today, “The most benign substance on the face of the planet.”  Psht, SOOO false!  Even if you take away all the chemicals that get you buzzed, we’re still talking about inhaling smoke into your lungs.  And it doesn’t matter if it’s tobacco, marijuana, or dried organic orange peels, breathing smoke isn’t a great idea.  

Even if you don’t smoke it and choose to eat it instead, research has shown that marijuana impacts brain development.  If you have underlying predisposition to mental health issues, it can exacerbate them.  One of the side effects my boss likes to point out because it makes half the room sit up and take notice is testicular shrinkage.

It should be noted that marijuana is fat-soluble so it can stay in your system for weeks.  You can’t stop smoking Friday in order to cram for an exam you have on Monday; your mental capacity will still be impaired for that test.  Marijuana also affects your brain’s ability to create new short-term memories; you won’t forget those childhood piano lessons, but if you go to class high you’re definitely not getting your money’s worth on that university education.

I am in favor of medicinal uses of marijuana.  Yes there are side effects (see previous paragraphs), but prescription drugs also have side effects.

That said, the medical marijuana (MMJ) industry is a joke.  Undercover investigators have found that you don’t have to really be sick to get an MMJ card.  They’ll fake medical records, for a fee.  They’ll be happy to take your money.  Are there people with legitimate reasons to use MMJ?  Yes!  But I doubt they make up even 50% of the MMJ cards out there in Colorado.  Frankly, it’s an insult to people who have real medical conditions that could be addressed by marijuana such as cancer and chronic pain. 

Legalizing marijuana?  Honestly, I don’t really care.  People drink alcohol to excess, and that’s legal.  People also consume small amounts safely.  I believe that the same can probably true of marijuana.  Personally, I would never consume it recreationally, but that is my own personal choice and everyone’s allowed to make their own decisions.  I don’t drink, either – maybe two drinks per year.  I’d love it if people realized that they didn’t HAVE to smoke (or drink!!) to enjoy life or to handle their problems.  I think both are just convenient ways to escape while there are much healthier coping options out there.  I’d be thrilled if neither existed. But that’s not the world we live in.

Regarding the argument that marijuana is okay because it’s “natural”, I respond with so are asbestos, hemlock, arsenic, rattlesnake poison, and dog poop – but you won’t see me trying to say consuming them is good for you and completely harmless!

So tomorrow is April 20.  And I live in Boulder.  Home of the world-famous 4/20 gathering on the CU campus.  I remember being a sophomore at CU and seeing something scrawled on the corner of the chalkboard in a lecture room: April 20, 4:20PM, Farrand Field.  Innocent girl that I was, I turned to my friend (@ajaxarch) and asked what that meant.  He said it was people smoking marijuana.  I shrugged and turned back to my notes.

I studied architecture, and the ENVD building had large studio windows from which you could view Farrand Field.  When the date and time arrived, some of our classmates went outside to join the crowd of a few hundred while the rest of us watched bemusedly out the windows while scrolling our maylines up and down the drafting tables.

Fast forward ten years and now the gathering has moved to a larger field and draws over ten thousand people by some estimates.

There’s been a number of times I’ve told people I’m from Boulder or from CU and their first response has been, “Oh yeah.  *smirk*  4/20.”  It irritates the heck out of me.  (Can you tell by this blog post?)  Rather than associating my home and alma mater with the gorgeous scenery, the crazy number of astrophysicists and other scientists, the healthy lifestyle, the green scene, Nobel prizes, or even the funny hippies, their first thought is this gathering of pot-smokers on MY campus.

I also get irritated when people call the 4/20 gathering a protest of marijuana laws.  Anyone who calls it that hasn’t looked very closely – as I have had the chance to do for several years.  Sure, a crowd gathers throughout the day.  And then it exponentially grows at about 4:10, a huge cloud of smoke rises at 4:20, and people disperse at 4:40.  Trampolines are brought.  Beach balls.  Every kind of musical instrument imaginable.  I have no doubt that some people truly are trying to protest and really WANT this to be a protest.  But it’s not.  It’s a party.  Get real.

If I was a strong proponent of MMJ or marijuana legalization, I would hate the 4/20 gathering.  Because it doesn’t show people offering up legitimate and coherent reasons for legalization.  Instead you get thousands of people giggling, spinning in circles, and saying, “Man, weed is, like, awesome, man,” or, “I’m really baked right now.”  Yeah, that’s the kind of image I want associated with my movement…  Watch this video and listen to the things people are saying especially after 3:24, but also note at 1:22 the person who also wishes it WAS actually a legit protest.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHwyfTHQcCE

If this is truly a protest, if you truly want to change the laws, why on Earth wouldn’t you go protest at a government building?  There are no lawmakers at CU.  Go to the county courthouse!  Go to the state capital building (they’ve got a MUCH bigger lawn for you to spread out on)!

Is the 4/20 gathering pretty much peaceful?  Yes.  Can’t argue with that.

But putting ten thousand plus inebriated people in one location is never safe.  There’s always the potential with that many people in one place for something to happen.  Not to mention traffic in and out of Boulder is a nightmare – and you’ve got stoned people behind the wheel.

So the university doesn’t like the reputation that 4/20 gives the campus, and based on the way people respond to me (see earlier in this post), I don’t blame them at all.  And the university would like to stomp out the gathering.

Let’s back up for just a moment here and remember that CU is still technically a government entity (regardless of how much funding it receives, but that’s another blog post…).  And government laws still say that smoking marijuana in public is illegal.  Plus, CU is a school and thus is bound by many requirements of the drug free schools act to work to prohibit and eliminate substance use on campus.  If CU doesn’t comply, they lose all their federal funding – which, in case you didn’t know, is about 25% of their budget.  Of course CU can’t just turn their back and let this happen!  The university would get shut down faster than it would take for someone on the quad to give you bus directions to Pearl Street at 4:25PM.  (Sorry, you won’t get that joke if you’re not from Boulder.  The answer is the Skip or the Hop buses go straight there.  And as evidenced by that video earlier, many folks have difficulty stringing sentences together after their tokes.)

This year, the university has taken the unprecedented step to say that those without a CU ID card are banned from campus tomorrow.  To the people who say that’s not fair because CU is public university funded by tax-payer dollars, the fact that your taxes support something does not make it yours to do with as you wish.  Try using that argument to get onto a military base.  Or live in an elementary school or library.  Or drive the wrong way on city streets just because your tax dollars paid for them.  You cannot yell “Fire!” in a crowded theater, or obstruct emergency egress.  As a friend of mine says, “The right for me to swing my fist ends where your nose begins.”  There are certain limits to our civil liberties which are reasonable, and I feel that the university is well within its rights to limit access to campus in order to preserve its function and mission.

This is getting long (I did tell you at the beginning to grab a cup of coffee), so here’s a few summary points:

• If you want to protest, do so!  But do it without breaking laws and making yourself look silly; then people might actually listen to what you have to say.
• If you want to protest, do so!  But do it where it actually makes a difference.
• Don’t call the 4/20 gathering at CU a protest; it’s not.  A protest involves doing more than showing up for 30 minutes. 
• I wish that more people knew how to enjoy life without substance use – marijuana, alcohol, or otherwise.
• I think medical use of marijuana is appropriate but that the current industry needs some major overhaul to legitimize it. 
• If you want to smoke marijuana, fine, I don’t care.  But when your actions affect my reputation, I think I have the right to object and say I’m not okay with that. 

I try to be pretty open-minded, and I actually think I have only gotten moreso in recent years (thanks in great part to living in weird Boulder!).  But this issue just annoys the heck out of me.  If only we could harness a FRACTION of the passion and feelings of indignancy that people have about their “right” to gather tomorrow to light up and channel it into something like clean water or ending sex slavery…

There.  I’m done.  I’ll shut up now.  Discuss amongst yourself, if you wish.

Saturdays with the Spirit: God with skin on

Today I went with my Bible study friends to see The Thorn in Denver.  It’s a play about Jesus, primarily the Easter story.  It had some crazy awesome things, too, like dancers and fire-twirlers and silk aerialists.  Even some indoor fireworks.  I’ve seen passion plays before, but this was on another level.

All of these extra effects were amazing, but the part that touched me the most was Jesus and the children.  Jesus never spoke as part of the production; it was primarily just a narrator.  But you saw him dancing with children, hugging them, and healing them.  I had to choke back tears a few times.

As I watched, I was suddenly struck by the fact that Jesus was human.  You could touch him.  You could see him.  You could smell him, even.  I looked at the head of the person in front of me and thought, “Jesus was like that.  He had a head and a body like that guy.  Just another person that you could sit next to.  I mean, not ‘just’ another person because he’s God, but– oh, yeah, there’s a play going on…”

But my mind kept drifting back to Jesus having a physical body.  I imagined the hairs on his legs.  The tough callouses on his palms.  Twigs and leaves caught in his hair.  The smell of sweat and dust.  Him grabbing children and tossing them in the air while they shrieked with joy.  A real person!  It’s hard to remember that sometimes because I’ve never seen him.  Touched him.  Smelled him.

He walked down the street just like I do.  He ate food.  He sneezed.  He had morning breath.  He got food stuck in his teeth.  He probably even stubbed his toes on occasion and had a sore back in the morning.

I thought of the woman who touched Jesus for healing.  I can understand her desire to just reach out and *touch* him.  Feel him.  He’s real!  He’s here!

He was God.  With skin on.  God come down to Earth.  To be among us.  To become one of us.  To show us that he loved us.

Awestruck…

Best. Photo. Ever.

I love the Buffs.

I love living in Boulder.

I love watching God’s amazing sunsets over the Rocky Mountains.

I love this photo.

Click the picture for more info.